Any experienced cowboy knows that the frontiers of are lousy with overused, high-falutin’, and just plain dull horse names. There’s nothing worse for a gunslinger than to lose their steed, but it sure adds insult to injury if the last thing they see flickering under the screeching wheels of a runaway train is a name tag reading Horsey McHorseface. For those righteously sick of all the Sugarlumps, Black Beauties, and Good Boahs that populate online and single-player stables in 2024, take heart because there are still plenty of unique names out there for every kind of nag.
Whether players look to the game world or real-life history for inspiration, there are plenty of names – both originals and old classics – to choose from. Most cowpokes will likely spend many hours with their horses in, so it’s only right they put some thought into a name that won’t make them turn pink to holler it outside a busy saloon. Considering the quantity of bullets, tomahawks, and high-speed collisions the average player’s horse is likely to suffer throughout its brief lifetime, at least a decent name will let it live (and die) with some dignity.
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For any drifter who's wasted half an hour devising a witty name for their horse only to lose the animal in a tragic canyon leap accident five minutes later, these kingly names are just the thing. While they tend to hang on a bit these days, kings and queens of yore barely got through lunch before they getting offed by gout or assassins. England had eleven King Edwards, for example, while there were seven Cleopatras of Egypt. Calling a horse after a monarch ensures that the lazy cowboy will never have to worry about names ever again.
Giving a horse a kingly name maximizes class while minimizing effort. If Arthur trotted up to Mary on a horse called Henry VIII, she’d think him a history buff not an idiot who got
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