Always the bridesmaid but never the bride, SpongeBob’s sleepy sidekick, Patrick Star, has often been overlooked in favour of his over-the-top neighbour – at least in the world of video games. That hasn’t stopped him from making a home in our hearts, though, so I was riding high when I learned the enigmatic starfish was finally being thrust into the limelight… but then the emotional rollercoaster dipped back down as I discovered SpongeBob SquarePants: The Patrick Star Game is little more than a sea of uninspired minigames and repetitive activities that waste almost all of its obvious potential, outside of a boatload of cute references to the show.
Stepping into the flowery shorts of Patrick himself, you embark on a six-hour sandbox platforming expedition through a thoughtfully recreated Bikini Bottom. In addition to having a dedicated burp button, Patrick can pick up items with either hand and fall asleep on command, turning the invertebrate into a possessed bowling ball that you can send hurtling across the sea floor. Due to the underwater setting, gravity is kinder than in most physics-based puzzlers, meaning there’s added time to plot your jumps and fix mistakes when you’re off the ground. This forgiving, familiar control scheme is applied to a mixed bag of activities dotted around the map, like skydiving or smashing up crates in the local Rage Room. Succeeding in these tasks rewards you with precious Sand Dollars that will eventually afford Patrick a slot to compete against his porous bestie in the prestigious Fry Cook Games. It’s an approachable setup buffeted by charming but eventually repetitious conversations with beloved characters like Mr. Krabs, Plankton and Sandy Cheeks.
The surrounding cartoon world is a blend of solid and breakable structures and allowed me to engage my inner chaos merchant as I took out any aggression on glass panes and metal walls alike. It isn’t all down to Patrick’s spiny appendages, though, as you can also take advantage of
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