Neverlooted Dungeon is an rpg game in which you can shoot a crossbow from a first person perspective. This, I imagine, was the pitch it used when trying to blag its way past the thermodynamically powered golem wearing a Daikatana t-shirt that guards the gates of Steam’s currently-running FPS fest. Whatever the excuse, this silver tongued rascal succeeded, and is now nestled comfortably between umpteen boomer shooter revivals, trying to squeeze Ultima factoids into the conversation.
When the demo begins, I wake up at a camp in a murky cavern dotted with purple glowing mushrooms and, as is my right, start shoving everything I can into my pockets. A little food? I’ll have that! A sword? Go on then. A log that I can swing like a sword? Much better. Wait, a plate! I can swing the plate, too? Piss off, log. I choose you, plate. I grab an ‘Everburning Smokeless Torch’ in my left hand, and set off to batter something with my plate.
I soon run into some planks blocking my way, then spend a good minute trying to smash them down with the plate, running out of stamina several times. Defeated, I kiss the plate gently, return it to my pockets, and use the sword. It takes but a single swing. Dev buff plate plz. I walk through another cavern and past a large carnivalesque sign that reads ‘secret entrance’. I like this sign, partly because it's funny in a Monkey Island sort of way, but mostly because I get to use the word ‘carnivalesque’. There are no enemies here, so I amuse myself by lugging around a large rock - you can grab, drag, and throw items. Also, I drop a crate on a campfire, and the crate catches fire. This, my friends, is gaming.
I enter a third cavern, and notice a fat rat gnawing on corpse. Nearby is a bear trap. I am 98% sure the bear trap was placed painfully obviously there to tutorialise traps to me, but I still feel like a genius when I poke the rat with my sword and lure it betwixt those shiny metal teeth. I pick up the dead rat and swing it at a nearby lever
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