Hands up if you remember Söldner: Secret Wars. Okay, now hands up if you ever at any point in your life thought that what the world really needs right now is Söldner: Secret Wars Remastered(opens in new tab). Obviously I can't see how many hands are up so I'm just going to assume the number is zero, but be that as it may, it's actually happening.
Söldner: Secret Wars is a 2004 multiplayer tactical shooter developed by German studio Wings Simulations that put players in the role of heavily-armed mercenaries («söldner» is German for «mercenary,» and not to be confused with «soldat,» which is German for «soldier» and also the title of a completely unrelated 2002 action side-scroller(opens in new tab)) doing battle in a huge, highly-destructible world filled with all sorts of ground, air, and seaborne vehicles.
The idea was cool, but the reality, unfortunately, sucked. «All the gameplay ingredients are here, but a complete lack of seasoning makes this one dish that should be tossed down the disposal,» PC Gamer said in its 45% review from October 2004. That score was practically dead-center on the critical reaction: Söldner holds a 43% aggregate rating on Metacritic(opens in new tab).
The game ended up in THQ Nordic's hands in 2011, when Nordic (as it was known at the time) acquired Söldner publisher JoWood. But Nordic basically washed its hands of the whole thing almost immediately by making it free—and not free-to-play, just free, take my game, please—as the Söldner (Marine Corps) Community Edition. As described most aptly by PC Perspective(opens in new tab), the update didn't do much to improve things.
«It was originally a buggy game that reached for the sky without paying attention to [its] footing,» the site wrote. «It
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