This is my first time learning of this nearly useless novelty keyboard gift and I am in mourning for all the microseconds I’ve wasted in my life

rockpapershotgun.com:

If we follow Marshall McLuhan’s ideas about technology being an extension of the body, then the copy and paste keyboard shortcuts are my equivalent of a trip to one of Cyberpunk 2077’s ripperdocs. In the writing of this single article, I will use them for links, HTML code, and other ephemera. I even copied McLuhan’s name across from a different tab, which I’m sure he’d appreciate/be horrified by. I love those shortcuts. I need them. They are the wind beneath my wings, and the crud buildup beneath the bottom left of my keyboard.

I cannot say how the first tailor to gaze upon a sewing machine felt, nor the first egg-abacus attendant to behold the sorcerous ticking of the automated egg timer. But I think now that when they saw those things, they were afraid. As I am afraid now.

I am afraid now. I highlight the above words, and reach to press Ctrl+C. My curled pinkie finds its target instantly, but my index finger hesitates. Sense memory rushes through synapses. Somewhere, a rodent’s heart beats as it chews pensively on a bin bag yoghurt splotch. A moth’s wings flutter as it practises scaring the shit out of someone in the shower. A cascade of pigeon poop plummets into a lunching office worker’s quintuple-named Starbucks drink, ironically making it taste slightly more like real coffee. My index finger finds its mark, so quickly as to be indistinguishable to anyone as a lapse in cohesion.

Anyone but me.

I am afraid now. I type these words manually, refusing to cast aside yet more of my fleeting mortality to the micro-micro-microseconds I’ve now identified between my pressing of Ctrl and V. For I now realise what that ‘+’ symbol has taken from me. A gulf of time and possibility. A gaping wound of opportunity. A subtraction in mocking masquerade.

I have seen the face of the cosmic jester that jabs and japes at the apex of all realities, and his name is the Copy and Paste 2-Key Keyboard SAYO OSU Keypad Hotswap One Handed Mechanical Gaming Keyboard Cherry Switch RGB Backlit