Starfield has some of the worst post-sex dialog I've ever seen
Back in March, Australia's Classification Board let slip that there will be no knocking spaceboots(opens in new tab) in Starfield—and for those unfamiliar with the vernacular, that means no sex. But now the ESRB(opens in new tab) rating is up, and according to that, you will have the opportunity to play chesterfield rugby with various NPCs, and engage in some genuinely jaw-dropping dialog when it's over.
Australia rates games with a simple, colorful chart that breaks down various elements of content—violence, language, nudity, that sort of thing—over six arbitrarily-defined categories. The ESRB takes the opposite approach by describing a game's content with a big wall of text. Some of it, such as «Players use futuristic guns, lasers, axes, and explosives to kill enemies,» is very mundane. Other bits are almost silly in the amount of detail they offer up.
«A fictional drug (Aurora) is prominent in the game, with a section involving players' characters working in an illicit drug lab,» Starfield's ESRB rating states. «Players can also obtain Aurora by stealing or buying it from vendors (consuming Aurora results in a distortion effect on the screen).»
My favorite part of the rating, though, refers to sex. The ESRB rating indicates that there will not be nudity in Starfield, but there will be some «suggestive material» that will come up in dialog and «after sharing a bed with characters,» and that pillow talk will include some real bangers:
Even by the admittedly low standards of sex in videogames, which if we're being honest we'd have to admit is generally awkward as hell, that is bad. I'm not sure it even qualifies as «suggestive,» except to suggest that any and all NPC dialog is to be avoided at all costs if this is
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