I put Doritos' new noise suppression tech to the test across 5 separate crisp brands and was appalled by the results

pcgamer.com:

Here at PC Gamer, we are disciples of science. From hardware to software, from Counter-Strike strats to Starfield guides, everything we do is guided by a fundamental respect for the principles laid down by Aristotle or whatever and with an eye to giving you, the reader, the fullest breadth and depth of information possible.

So when Doritos, the crisps people, announced they'd released a profoundly stupidAI noise suppression tool meant to «cancel the crunch» when you eat (I presume) Doritos while gaming with friends, we immediately knew what had to be done. Science. Science had to be done, and I had to be the one to do it.

I've devised a rigorous empirical test to measure the effectiveness of Doritos' new tech using five popular UK crisp brands and a copy of Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment I had in arm's reach. Ignoring the warnings of my own body, I created seven videos to determine how Doritos Silent copes with crisp crunches both from Doritos themselves and its myriad rival brands. 

They'll name a museum after me some day.

Anyway, let's get to it. Below you'll find a series of videos, two control vids (one with the Doritos Silent software active, one without) and five crisp-based tests.

Not much to discuss here, save perhaps the quality of the Blue Yeti mic I inherited from a friend and my taste in interior design. Nevertheless, this is the baseline against which I will be comparing all subsequent videos. Fix it firmly in your mind. 

Alexander Graham Bell called Thomas Watson, Isambard Kingdom Brunel built the Rotherhithe Tunnel, Konstantin Tsiolkovksy drew up rocket designs in a Kaluga log cabin, and I ate Doritos into a webcam. Our first test is, it must be said, an overall victory for Doritos Silent. Yes,