Scandal erupts at World Conker Championships as triumphant 'King Conker' caught with painted steel replica: 'The whole thing is nuts'

pcgamer.com:

Software like VAC and Riot's Vanguard may be at the cutting edge of anti-cheating operations, but a scandal at the recent World Conker Championship shows that gamers trying to get an unfair edge started long before aimbots plagued Counter-Strike. The most recent conker competition took place this past weekend in Northamptonshire, UK, with the victor in the men's category one David Jakins, who has been entering the competition since 1977 and is (or was) something of a trusted figure within the conkering community.

But wait! Following Jakins' victory, the 82 year-old was searched by organisers, and the wily pensioner was then found to have a steel chestnut in his pocket, which had been painted brown. Jakins denies that he deployed this metallic interloper during the tournament, but an investigation is underway, with some of the competition suspecting nefarious tactics. Adding to these suspicions, Jakins won his quarter- and semi-final matches in one hit before doing the same in the final.

I should briefly explain conkers for the non-UK audience. Most probably know the word from Rare's Conker series, platformers featuring a foul-mouth squirrel and bosses that are just giant poos, but the hero's name comes from a traditional game played in Britain and Ireland. Players take the seeds of a horse chestnut tree, rounded solid lumps known as conkers, drill a hole and thread string through it, then take turns to whack each others' conkers. Whichever conker shatters first loses. 

To get back to our current scandal, retired engineer Jakins held a position of absolute trust in the competition. He was known as «King Conker», the sobriquet bestowed upon the top judge, who is responsible for the crucial task of drilling holes into competitors' chestnuts and threading string through them. Over 2000 conkers were prepared for the competition.

«Allegations of foul play have been received that somehow King Conker swapped his real conker for the metal one later found in his pocket,» St