Ranking Every Elden Ring Boss Before I've Even Played The Game
A disclaimer before we start - I have not played a single second of Elden Ring. While TheGamer will have a full review up at the embargo, I am not conducting this review because we felt it would be better to have a review of the full game rather than just a review of the first boss and the game over screen, which is what you would have gotten with me. Nevertheless, I think we all know what the game will have in store for us, and that's why I'm getting out ahead of the curve by ranking all of the Elden Ring bosses before I've even played the game.
This one is such bullshit, right? You dodge, you roll, you stab, you die. Over and over again, you die. Then eventually, you kill it. You take a deep breath, you set down your controller in celebration, you go to the fridge to crack open that vintage bottle of Mountain Dew, and then the darn thing comes back to life. Second phase, bitch! I hate this boss so much, and I haven't even met it yet.
Related: I Can't Wait To Be Bad At Elden Ring
This is a pretty boring boss. It's just like, a bug. A spider or a cricket or a worm or something. It scurries around and spits poison at you, but once you figure out that the horrific screeching noise means "move the heck away from the bug" you can beat it pretty easily. Just wait until it spits at you and then rush forward and slice at its legs, or if it’s a worm, its clitellum. You do know how to find a worm's clitellum, right gamers?
Not just one boss, but two bosses. The catch is you have to fight them both together, which means you spend ages trying to fight them both together, before realising it's easier to target one of them until it’s dead, then face the second one-on-one. Of course, that means things get chaotic for a while, but
Read more on thegamer.com
