We gave this game 3 out of 100 in 1994, and now it's getting a remaster

pcgamer.com:

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties, one of the worst games ever made, is getting a remaster. This crime against nature was announced by Limited Run as part of their recent showcase which, among other things, included a remastered GEX trilogy and a spiritual successor to Zelda CD-i.

I'm going to have to turn to my colleagues' opinion on this one, because I've never played Plumbers Don't Wear Ties—and after a bit of research, I'm grateful. Nonetheless, I've thrown on the marigolds to dive into what exactly this fully motion-captured thing is, so you don't have to.

Here's an excerpt from the back of the box: «Greed, sex, spirituality, white-knuckled chases, shameful propositions, a nun, humour, true love, jaded love, taut action, comedy, a bad guy, a good guy, a hero, spine-tingling suspense, a hot babe, a damsel in distress, and a hollywood ending!» This is quite a lot to take in.

What Plumbers Don't Wear Ties appears to actually be, however, is a god-forsaken relic of a time where you could buy certain VHS tapes in a brown bag. It's meant to be a 'full motion video' game like 1992's Night Trap. The game itself—and 'game' is doing a lot of heavy lifting here—plays out more like «a PowerPoint presentation with audio cues», as PC Gamer's own Steven Messner wrote in 2017.

Just to make sure I was getting the full plumber experience, I looked up some gameplay footage and—yes. That is accurate. Plumbers Don't Wear Ties starts with Jane, played by Jeane Basone—known in wrestling as Hollywood—warning me that she'll be keeping an eye out for my slip-ups: «I trust it won't be the first time you've made mistakes with the opposite sex.»

Then this.

Selecting «Gimmie full story!» starts a literal slideshow with a voice over crunchy enough to