Put Princess Elise In The Sonic Movie, You Cowards
Every time my wife and I go to the cinema, the same thing happens. We’re sitting there with our popcorn and Ben Schwartz’s charmingly irritating voice floods our ears as the Blue Blur pops up on the screen, then my wife turns to me with a look that says “I’ll go see that for you if you come see Top Gun for me.” Folks, I don’t even like Sonic the Hedgehog that much, but my wife knows I’m a jolly good gamer who lives to ingest IP, so who am I kidding, I’ll be there on the opening weekend. It’ll be a pretty average movie that offers a decent amount of fun, and for most people, that will be enough. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Uncharted, so I’m not too much of a snob to like a good ol’ video game movie, but there is a small part of me that misses the chaos of the original teeth design. A part of me that misses the days of Elise.
If you don't know who Elise is, she was a character in Sonic '06, the first high-definition outing for Sonic. Elise was a rarity for a Sonic game in that she was human, and a fairly regular looking human woman rather than someone with the cartoonish proportions of, say, Robotnik. If you remember what human characters looked like in video games in 2006, you'd also understand that she looked like a plastic figurine someone had dipped in Vaseline, or worse. While her look was controversial - it seemed more fitting for Final Fantasy than for Sonic the Hedgehog - that's not why Elise is infamous in the Sonic fandom. It's because Elise was an actual human woman, and also Sonic's girlfriend.
Related: Make Sonic Painfully Uncool Again
It's not the first time Sonic has dated a woman. That honour goes to Madonna - not that one, though I wouldn't put it past her - in the comics. Elise, however, was far
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