Professor X vs. Magneto: Who’s the better sex ed teacher?

polygon.com:

X-Men comics are home to plenty of generations-long battles and epic rivalries. There’s Wolverine and Sabretooth, fighting their way across generations; Wolverine and Cyclops at odds over the future of the mutant nation; Wolverine and — look, Wolverine gets in a lot of fights.

But since the X-Men’s first panel, one rivalry has loomed large: Charles Xavier and his boyfrenemy Magnus Erik Lehnsherr Max Eisenhardt Magneto.

Now, finally, we address their epic conflict on the most delicate of battlegrounds, and determine once and for all which would win in the battle to demonstrate safe condom use on a banana.

On the surface, this might seem like a laughable question. One of these men is a lifelong educator, dedicated to peaceful collaboration between mutants and humankind. And who better to explain human dynamics than a telepath? The other is a supervillain who literally named his gang the “Brotherhood of Evil Mutants” and did his last serious dating in, like, the 1940s. But crack the surface, and the answer’s less intuitive than you might think.

While it might seem like a good idea to have a telepath in the classroom — after all, how many teenagers are actually going to ask the questions burning through their developing brains — that perspective assumes a telepath with good boundaries. Charles Xavier? Not so much. Yes, he’ll know the students’ questions before they ask them; but he’ll also address them in enough detail that everyone else in class will know exactly whom they’re about, and he’ll do it over their equally vehement mental protests.

That disregard for boundaries will be an issue in other directions as well. Xavier is just egotistical enough to look to his own private life for relatable examples. If you’re a