You Suck At Parking Review - Parking Lots Of Fun
There’s an episode of SpongeBob where he takes a driving test at Mrs Puff’s Boating School, completing a fatally dangerous obstacle course that combines loops, sharp turns, and brick walls - You Suck at Parking is that dialled up to 11. Imagine that course with homing missiles, icy tarmac, swinging pendulums, laser walls, and angry drivers. All while the music repeats that insult, “You suck at parking”, really driving it home.
The premise is pretty simple: park your car in various different spots while avoiding obstacles. But you can’t reverse or stop, you have limited fuel, and there’s a timer. You’re juggling a lot, but it does a great job of easing in these mechanics before kicking up to the highest gear.
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It starts off slow and easy, which is more than can be said for my first few driving lessons where I had a chain-smoker take me onto a one-way 60mph road. I didn’t even know how to brake without stalling. You Suck at Parking is no Dave - let’s call him Dave - it lulls you in with quiet roads, plenty of time, and some easy spots to hit. The next few levels introduce windier roads, sharper turns, cliffsides, and other environmental hazards. You get a good feel for the car’s handling, which is buttery smooth, far better than even some triple-A titles in recent years. Just Cause or Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing have nothing on You Suck at Parking. Then wham! You have magnets that pull you off-road, giant Wipeout-like fists that punch at you, and red walls that incinerate your car.
The difficulty keeps ramping up, but it never gets stale or repetitive. There’s always something newto learn and master, which is shocking
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