Vaguely threatening Final Fantasy 14 KFC crossover confirms the Colonel's canon job, and I'm scared for the local chocobo population

pcgamer.com:

Looks like we're getting another foodie crossover in Final Fantasy 14. Yesterday, the Twitter/X account for KFC Japan posted a short, ominous video of the Colonel overlooking the cliffs of La Noscea with the caption (courtesy of Google translate): «Colonel Sanders is steadily preparing for a new adventure in another world…»

Listen, I know Mr. Sanders is probably meant to be framed as a hopeful adventurer looking out upon a vast and noble sea. But a slow, jump-cut zoom on his pristine white hair followed by a cyberpunk-worthy glitch effect leads into an unpunctuated «Coming Soon»: stark white on a pitch black void. I'm not sure I'm feeling the finger-lickin' comfort here.

This is made worse by the confirmation that Colonel Sanders is a Black Mage. As some kind of horror-movie stinger, he pulls out a gnarled staff and uses Triplecast, an ability that lets Black Mages instantly cast three of their destructive spells in devastating succession.

This also puts Colonel Sanders' minimum level at 66, making him capable of using Blizzard IV, Fire IV, and Thunder IV. Twelve save us if he's max level—I don't want to live in fear of a fast food mascot who can cast Despair. If he's got seven party members with him, he'd also be able to use the Black Mage's limit break, Meteor, which does exactly what it sounds like. A little overkill for frying Chocobos with 11 herbs and spices.

In case you're unfamiliar with the game, this kind of crossover happens more often than you'd expect—back in 2021, Square Enix officially partnered with Grubhub, allowing players to unlock a pizza emote by ordering its real-world equivalent. There was also a partnership with Butterfinger which gave players a cute chocolate mount.

KFC's also made an impact on