Spider-Man Actually Taught a Cosmic Being How to Use the Bathroom
Marvel's Spider-Man is usually known as an everyman, tragic, «street-level» hero, but even he occasionally meets — and fights- skyscraper-sized monsters, aliens, and even immortal cosmic beings. As strong as he is, Peter Parker can't realistically punch his way to victory in these battles, and he usually uses his wits to negotiate a peace between combatants instead. But in Secret Wars II, a being of nigh-infinite power came to Spider-Man with an important question: how does one use the bathroom?
The original Secret Wars was one of the first «event comics» in the history of the medium, including popular characters such as the X-Men, Captain America, Iron Man, the Hulk, and even villains like Molecule Man, Magneto and Doctor Doom. The characters were gathered together on a mysterious patchwork planet known as Battleworld by the enigmatic Beyonder, who wished to understand the concept of desire (prompting the famous quote «I am from beyond! Slay your enemies and all you desire shall be yours!»). Though Doctor Doom attempted to take the Beyonder's power, the heroes banded together and everyone was sent back home to Earth.
Related: Without His Mask, Spider-Man Is Forced to Wear His Lamest Disguise Ever
The adventure continued inSecret Wars II, where the Beyonder arrives on Earth. He wishes to understand the notion of experiences, and meets various superheroes including Spider-Man. Peter realizes the Beyonder is asking the meaning of life and admits Reed Richards would be a far better person to ask than himself. When he offers his guest a drink, the Beyonder then asks if that would relieve a "...strange pressure — this fullness I feel in my lower abdomen?" Spider-Man realizes this all-powerful being — who might as well be a
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