Caelid is like visiting a Tesco Express at midnight. Everyone reasonable is asleep, the depressed night shift workers are strolling in for their late meal deals, and the shelves are barren. The weirdos (like me) are visiting to avoid the busy hours, but it’s eerily quiet aside from that. Then you’re greeted with a surprise when you round the corner and see a seven-foot man buying Quavers. That’s Caelid. It’s a strange place, dusty and red, almost like shining your phone light under your bed, but the very end is where things really ramp up - when you fight Radahn.
He’s a big son of a bitch with a little horse. He’s basically a rich Tory. But before you even get a chance to see him, he’s firing off lasers like you’ve strolled onto a farmer's field without permission. “Get off ‘ma lawn!” No. You rush in, ignoring his warning, get slapped around, and before you know it, you find an early grave in the red sand. It’s so, so red. And it’s lonely - you can’t even summon Torrent to help out, leaving you in this vast, empty desert to fend for yourself. I just want to go home, ‘O I just want to go home.
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But there’s a silver lining. You can summon all the friends you’ve made along the way, bringing together your cursed Fellowship to stunlock Radahn into the dirt. There’s the big pot you smack up the arse to get out of a pinch, the wolf knight with a penchant for four-armed witches, a few forgettable faces that pad out the roster, like Bilbo’s friendly band of dwarves, and Patches. He’s not so helpful. He’ll ditch you like a dad going out to get milk. Caelid might be a Tesco Express, but you won’t find him there after he’s gone.
In reality, you’re running around like a
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