'Hey everyone,' says Walmart executive to the single person in its new Roblox metaverse nightmare

pcgamer.com:

Walmart is teaming up with Roblox to create not just one but two «immersive experiences in the metaverse.» Walmart Land(opens in new tab) and Walmart's Universe of Play(opens in new tab) each promise «unique interactive content and entertainment,» in Walmart's words—pure innovation from start to finish, no doubt—and each paints a picture of a starkly bleak consumerist future where everything has gone wrong.

«We’re showing up in a big way—creating community, content, entertainment and games through the launch of Walmart Land and Walmart’s Universe of Play,» Walmart chief marketing officer William White said(opens in new tab). «Roblox is one of the fastest growing and largest platforms in the metaverse, and we know our customers are spending loads of time there. So, we’re focusing on creating new and innovative experiences that excite them, something we’re already doing in the communities where they live, and now, the virtual worlds where they play.»

Walmart's two metaversal presences come off a bit like Disneyland and Disney World: Related, connected, yet very different. Walmart Land promises «a variety of immersive experiences,» naturally including a virtual store of merchandise, which Walmart has decided to describe as «verch» because no matter how bad things get, they can always get worse. Walmart's Universe of Play, on the other hand, sounds more directly game-focused: It will launch with five games (based on licensed properties like Jurassic World and Paw Patrol, of course) and will enable players to collect virtual toys that can be exchange for coins redeemable for (ugh, sigh) «avatar verch.»

The move into a virtual realm is not unprecedented. Back in the day, dozens of businesses set up shop in the groundbreaking