Using the Wonky Video Game Controller Builds Character

howtogeek.com:

Many family rooms have them: the wonky video game controller that one martyr is always forced to play with, saying something like, “I guess I’ll use the bad one.” But that’s never the end of it. No one uses the bad controller in silence. It’s a loud struggle—but a worthy one.

As long as there have been consoles and basements and childhoods, there’s been at least one worn out controller plaguing their innocence. Sometimes one can see it upon entering the video game room: there’s duct tape around the base, a splint holding the trigger, and the surface looks like it was dragged behind a motorcycle. Here a game of musical chairs occurs, though it feels more like Russian roulette, because having the wonky controller means you’re going to be killed pretty quickly.

It’s handed out like a leftover veggie dog at a barbeque, and the chintzy owner begins giving elaborate instructions. “Press A two seconds before you actually need to press A,” he says. “Just hold down the trigger the entire time, and try to ignore the electric shocks. Hold it upside down when turning. L only works when the controller is completely submerged in olive oil, but we have a big bowl you can use.”

Initially you play with the controller in disgruntled silence, and accept your lot in life. “I am the bad controller person and I must make the best of it,” you think to yourself. This positive attitude lasts for about 45 seconds, and then the passive-aggressive deep breaths and murmurs commence. Suddenly the room is filled with a cacophony of “Come on” and “I pressed it” and “I would have won that if this thing worked.” Someone offers to switch controllers, and you don’t even respond.

This is certainly the way it can go, but it doesn’t have to. Like anything, one