Buddy, if you’re only buying two lousy packs you can leave my TCG Card Shop Simulator store immediately

rockpapershotgun.com:

While I’ve been known to enjoy a few of them in my time, I tend to view a lot of more mundane simulator games in the same way I view sports games: Looks fine, but I could do this stuff in real life, were I inclined and also social and also vaguely limber instead of owning a spine with roughly the flexibility of a rib n’ saucy Nik Nak.

Similarly, the currently popping-off on Steam TCG Card Shop Simulator - in its digitisation of a hobby-within-a-hobby-within-a-third-place - feels vaguely like the sort of thing that would have made Baudrillard violently shit himself to death. Still, as someone who frequently fantasises about having a.) a killer deck, b.) lots of mates and c.) a good enough understanding of maths to crush those mates into the dust so hard that they never know joy again, I was intrigued enough to give it a go. 20,000 concurrent players can’t be wrong! We, uh, we don’t talk about the banana game.

The basic idea here is that you run a collectible card shop selling a come-at-me-brotendo -branded TCG named Tetramon. You order in some boxes, enjoy a lovely ‘pop’ sound as you arrange booster packs on your shelf, set a price, then open doors. Customers come in, you check out their orders, and I have to say: I’m already starting to see why people dig this one. Every little action feels tuned just so, with everything from scanning packs to giving change accompanied by ear-tickling sound effects. Dinged point: you have to count out change individually, but trying to be a short-changing rapscallion isn’t an option, which would have been fun. What I can say: the music is so carefree and cheerful that it put me in the mood for crime!

I especially wanted to crime the header guy. Two packs?! Get outta here! You get out too!

The other side of the game is collecting the cards yourself. I love how this characterises your owner as a little card weasel, rapidly shooing off customers so you can get your grubby mitts on more shinies. My first card was a happy onion named