Early Access Review: Priest Simulator

destructoid.com:

You’re rolling the dice whenever you pick up a game with “Simulator” in the title. Is this going to be an attempt at accurately translating something into a video game, or is it going to abandon all reason and present some sort of unhinged parody? Priest Simulator is definitely in the latter category, but rather than just having some wacky controls that make the whole performance absurd, it goes a few steps further, into a storm drain, and gets washed out to sea.

You technically get up to some priest business in Priest Simulator. One could also argue that you even play as a priest. Maybe my knowledge of priestly happenings is skewed in some way, but if you asked me what a priest does, my answer would be: not this.

Priest Simulator (Steam Early Access) Developer: Asmodev Publisher: Ultimate Games Released: October 6, 2022 MSRP: $19.99

You play the game as a wooden vampire demon named Orlok, who is hell-bent on internet fame. During an attempt at collecting footage, he and his girlfriend are shot from the depths of Hell into Poland, where a Muppet-like parson immediately performs an exorcism on him to try and please his own parishioners. Orlok, too humiliated to return to Hell without his vampire powers, decides to do absolutely anything anyone says in the hopes that he’ll eventually have his power restored. He begins posing as a priest, as that seems to get him the respect he so thirstily desires.

Priest Simulator may sound absolutely ridiculous, and that’s because it is. However, while the narrative seems almost like a stream-of-consciousness trainwreck, it manages to be surprisingly insightful. You may expect it to be a heavy satire of organized religion, and it very much is, but it goes beyond that. Despite the wooden