Review: Sucker for Love: First Date

destructoid.com:

My life has been one long journey to find new things to put my mouth on. Food, vampires, werewolves, serial killers, Switch cartridges, Renaissance Era artworks: there are few things I haven’t touched with my lips. However, having spent weeks of reflection and research, I have come across one thing I haven’t smooched: Eldritch, world-ending gods. This changes today with Sucker for Love.

As Destructoid’s foremost expert on dating sims by the authority of “because I said so,” it has fallen to me to try and seduce the unknowable gods of Lovecraftian lore. Thankfully, I’ve prepared for this day. You may recall from long ago that I developed a special system for judging the quality of this branch of visual novel. Now it’s time to whip it out again. Join me in calling forth the five metrics that make up the crucible for dating sims. Prospects, Enjoyability, Novelty, Intensity, and Sexiness: these forces combine to make the mythical P.E.N.I.S. rating system.

Now let’s slap it against some unknowable horrors.

Sucker for Love: First Date (PC)Developer: AkabakaPublisher: Dread XPReleased: January 20, 2022MSRP: $9.99

As mentioned, Sucker for Love is your opportunity to lay those lips on some Lovecraftian lovelies. From the outset, there is Ln’eta, who is essentially a gender-swapped Cthulhu. Before being introduced to the other interests, you must brave her affections and ride out the end of reality with the lingering sensation of her lips. Lips? Whatever.

Then there is Estir, the gender-swapped Hastur, who gets my thighs rubbing together every time she says “Yhtil” (hnngg). She’s the King in Yellow, the Unspeakable One, She Who is Not to be Named, but you can just call her your majesty.

It’s up to you to choose which of these