13 cursed cross-promotions we’re probably getting from Xbox’s Activision Blizzard acquisition

polygon.com:

Microsoft made waves this week when it announced its intention to purchase Activision Blizzard for $68.7 billion. When the deal closes sometime next year, Xbox will own a giant collection of video game properties — Call of Duty, Warcraft, and much more. And if Disney has taught us anything, it’s that consolidation breeds cross-promotion.

Here are 13 (hopefully) fake predictions for Xbox’s cross-promotional plans.

If this one doesn’t happen, I’ll be shocked. With Halo Infinite, Master Chief already learned to sprint and aim down sights — he’s been training for this moment. And as I’ve been saying for years, anything Frank the rabbit from Donnie Darko can do, Master Chief can do better.

Jim Raynor is a bulky armor boy with a shitty haircut and an OK beard who regularly blows goopy aliens apart mere inches away from his face. He’s basically already in Gears of War; Microsoft just has to make it official.

The World of Warcraft heroes and their friends have already been to space, alternate timelines, and literal hell. It only makes sense that next year I’ll be rolling around Kalimdor in in my Warthog jeep, trying not to aggro mobs. And hey, once I unlock flying, a Pelican can attach itself to the Warthog and carry me around.

The Zerg make unsettling noises and they’re obnoxiously persistent, fitting the two main criteria to be an enemy in Minecraft. Just imagine leaving your castle for a few hours and coming back to a sprawling Zerg nest where all your rooms are filled with goop. Nasty.

Forza wavers between hardcore racing and peaceful, speedy rides through nature. The only thing that could make it better would be rolling around in a massive hamster ball crushing all the other cars around you.

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