Today I watched a trailer where in the first 10 seconds a ‘90s-style 3D model of a businessman kickflips a dolphin in slowmo over the flashing words «ASSET FLIP».
Such was the pull of this spectacle that I immediately went to Steam and downloaded the free demo of Spreadcheat, a game whose opening gambit to potential players is «Do YOU have mad spreadsheet skills?» I like to think that I do, in fact, have a few spreadsheet moves that can impress the kids.
But Spreadcheat is a little bit of a Trojan horse. It promises you the spreadsheet life, but in fact this is a deeply odd and funny puzzle game about life in a bro-driven ‘90s business, where first of all the boss wants to know if you're «cool», and then you have to cleanse his PC of ads for hot local singles and free PalmPilots with your «geek thing».
Soon enough I've fiddled various figures I don't understand, accidentally fired half the accounting department, and am investigating an upgrade to my business card: apparently «Eggshell White» makes the numbers look «cool and legitimate.» I'm tidying away the blow-up dolls from my boss's late night hijinks before slamming together a Powerpoint about how «innovation is in our DNA» and making the words rotate and zoom on a background of stars.
I've finally got a real job! The demo lets you go through around half an hour of the game, and I guess I'd compare it to something like sudoku.