Crap. It’s already December. Mercifully, I haven’t heard much Christmas music in the stores I deign to visit, but that probably now ends. The holidays are bearing down on us like a sugar-infused child.
Christmas definitely isn’t my favorite time of the year. I make the most of it, but not only am I a spiritually-devoid husk, I also once worked a job in retail over the holiday season. If you ever want a reason to give up on humanity, that’s how you do it.
So, I’m bitter about the holidays. Not only that, but I’m well-practiced at being bitter about the holidays. Maybe you are, too. If that’s the case, I invite you to learn from my years of humbug-slinging and celebrate the way I do: by playing a bunch of marginally Christmas-related games that pay no respect to the holiday.
Batman Returns is easily and inarguably the best Christmas movie ever made. It has an excellent cast, including Danny DeVito as a sad vomit man and Christopher Walken as Christopher Walken. A woman gets pushed out a window by her boss, and Batman lights a clown on fire. It’s a great movie for the kids and really captures the spirit of the holiday. When I was younger, I had a Michael Keaton action figure.
You could probably argue any of the many versions of Batman Returns. I know a lot of people swear by the Amiga B-Man, but for my money, I like to walk down a street devoid of holiday shoppers and smash clowns into guardrails in the SNES version. It’s a great way to work out my ample and boundless seasonal aggression. It’s also over rather quickly, which is always something I hope for when it comes to the holidays.
Die Hard is easily and inarguably the best Christmas movie ever made. It really captures the holiday spirit by having a guy walk barefoot
Action
Stealth
Man
Music
Inside
Celebrity
classical
Hate
People
Christopher Walken