Here’s how I lost my job and came to love a game about stealing.
Grand Theft Auto games used to stress me out. It wasn’t the missions - although god awful controls could turn the best of set pieces into Groundhog Day nightmares of restarting. Rather, I used to get stressed by the amount of things to do. I knew most of it wasn’t necessary, but opening a map and seeing dozens of icons related to missions, shops, and activities felt like going on a vacation in which someone is constantly demanding you do the next thing. Then the next thing. Then the next.
And Grand Theft Auto hasn’t really changed. Probably because there hasn’t been a new Grand Theft Auto game in, what, nine years? Yeah, that seems right. Grand Theft Auto 5 came out nine years ago. I recognize GTA Online is still evolving, but just to be clear: the Grand Theft Auto game that came directly before GTA 5 was first released on the Nintendo DS. That’s how old it is.
Related: Turning My One-Bedroom Apartment Into An Arcade To Save My Sanity
That said, I’ve played every Grand Theft Auto game. I haven’t necessarily beaten them all, but I’ve played them all. I’m sorry Liberty City Stories; I just didn’t care enough.
I’m also the type of idiot who tends to purchase the same games over and over again, so I’ve somehow found myself owning GTA 5 on PS3, PS4, PS5, and Steam. Why? Because I’m a fucking fool. That’s why. Steam sales are a harsh mistress, and game companies adding the most minor of upgrades will make my idiot ass drop money again and again.
Which isn’t always good because I recently lost my job when the show I wrote for ended its run. Which is largely okay. I’m essentially an overgrown child who lives alone and eats ramen for half my meals, so I may not be
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